Circles of Love

Va’etchanan/2011
Circles of Love

In our family growing up, outside of the Torah itself, the most sacred text was the Star Wars Trilogy. I’ve lost count how many times we have seen the first three of the Star Wars movies. But, I do know that there are whole sections of Star Wars dialogue that we have committed to memory. And, this dialogue played a special role in David’s childhood.

So, it didn’t surprise me that in thinking about today, there was a line from the first Star Wars film that came back to me. But, I didn’t want to trust my memory. So to be accurate, I went to the Internet, and I found a site that is called Wookiepedia---I kid you not, and this site had the quote. It was Obi Wan Kenobi explaining the Force to Hans Solo. And, he describes it this way: “It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.”

This is a new formulation of a very old idea. The idea has echoes in many religions, especially Eastern religions, and it is articulated in an especially beautiful way in a midrash that is quoted by S.R. Hirsch in connection with our parasha. If we look at Deuteronomy 4:15, we read
V’nishmartem m’od l’nafshoteichem
Ki lo r’eetem kol temunah

The simple meaning of this verse is Moses talking to the Jewish people about their experience at Mt.Sinai where God spoke to them. And, Moses says, v’nishmartem, watch yourselves, don’t worship an idol of wood or stone or anything you can see, because at Sinai you saw no picture, you only heard a voice. That’s the simple meaning.

But, Hirsch does something very creative with the verse. The word v’nishmartem can also mean ‘pay attention’. And nefesh which really here simply means ‘self’ can also mean soul. So, Hirsch translates this way: Remember, that when God spoke to you at Sinai, you saw nothing. It’s pretty hard to grasp an invisible, intangible God. But, let me help you. Do you want to understand God? Do you want to connect with God that can’t be seen. You already have experience with something similar. V’nishmartem l’nafsheichehm---pay attention to your own soul, which in its nature is the closest thing you know to God.

And, then Hirsch quotes the midrash from Brachot which lists five ways in which the human soul is like God. (everyone has the text, read it):
Ma hakadosh baruch hu malei et ha’olam
Af ha’neshama malei et haguf
Just as the Holy One fills the world, so the soul fills the body.

Ma hakadosh baruch hu ro’eh v’einu nireh
Af ha’nesham ro’eh v’einu nireit
Just as the Holy One sees and is not seen, so the soul sees and is not seen.

Ma Hakadosh baruch hu zan et kol ha’olam kulo
Af ha’nesham zana/dana et kol haguf
Just as the Holy One sustains the whole world, so the soul sustains the whole body.

Ma hakadosh baruch hu tahor
Af ha’neshama tehora
Just as the Holy One is pure, so the soul is pure.

Ma hakadosh baruch hu yoshev b’chadrei chadarim
Af ha’ neshama yoshevet b’chadrei chadarim
Just as the Holy One dwells in rooms within rooms, so the soul dwells in rooms within rooms.

Yavo mi she’yesh bo chamisha devarim hallalu v’yeshabeach l’mi she’yeish bo chamishah devarim hallalu.
Let the one who possesses these five qualities come and praise the One who possesses these five qualities.

So, there is a lot we can learn from this midrash, but it turns out that one of the things we can learn from the common ground between the soul and God is about the nature of love. So, I would like to focus on two aspects of this midrash. One is the last quality mentioned, that both the soul and God are ‘yoshvin b’chadrei chadarim’/they dwell in rooms within rooms.

From the very beginning of the Torah, it is made clear to us that God wants very much to be known, and yet not to be known. God yearns to connect with us, yet God also wants at the same time to be shrouded in mystery. God wants deeply to be understood and loved, but God is also careful and wary, and does not reveal the deepest part of himself casually. God wants to be courted. God wants to be romanced.

When God meets Abraham, God says to Himself “ha’mechaseh ani me’avraham et asher ani oseh”/ do I really want to hide from Abraham what my intentions are for the city of Sodom? After all, ‘ki yedativ”---I love him, I want to be close to him, and from that closeness I hope that Abraham will transmit by message of righteousness and justice to his children and grandchildren.

So, what we see here in a very beautiful way is the beginning of love. When we begin to love, we begin to share things about ourselves that we wouldn’t share with just anyone. We recognize God’s hesitation, God’s moment of vulnerability. It’s God’s way of saying “ I will not give my heart to a stranger. It makes sense for me to live b’chadrei chadarim, to hide my deepest essence from the person I encounter casually. But, Abraham is someone I love. That love gives me the courage to come out of hiding, and to share with Abraham what is innermost to my heart.

This idea is expressed most beautifully by the Torah’s notion that God ‘s presence was felt most intimately in the kodesh ha-kodashim, in the holy of holies within the Temple in Jerusalem. Only the Kohen Gadol, the high priest entered into this ‘room within rooms’ representing the innermost heart of God, and only once, on Yom Kippur - and pronounced God’s name. What is a name? It’s who we are. It’s what’s most personal and unique to us. We want to share it. But, we also feel the need to protect it.

So, if the human soul is like God in this way, that means that each one of us has a kodesh kodashim, a holy of holies inside of us. Each one of us wants to be seen. We want that part of us which is most uniquely us, the deepest part of our heart to be understood.

Yet, we do not give our heart away to anyone. The soul has dignity. The great psychiatrist R.D. Liang taught that when a child is three or four years old, she begins to hide things from her parents. Why? Because to be human is to be a yoshev b’chadrei chadarim/a dweller in rooms within rooms. To be human is to have depth, to dwell within. We want more than anything to share that sacred space that is most deeply inside us. But, we will only share it with the person we trust the most, the person we love for life.

And, that quest to know and to be known is represented in the marriage ceremony by the bride’s circling of the groom, and in many ceremonies, the bride and groom’s circling of each other. Each one of the seven circles represents a room within rooms, and inside the innermost circle, lies the deepest part of our hearts which we entrust to the person we love. There, inside this kodesh/kodashim, bride and groom pronounce each other’s name. In that protected space, we have the courage to show each other the innermost part of our soul.

Why a circle? Because circling is indirect, it’s modest, it is a gentle route. It suggests a gradual opening up, out of a deep respect for the beauty that is being approached. And, out of a desire to protect that beauty. Circles are protective. So, when the bride and groom circle, they are drawing circles of love, and they are then surrounded by love. Love is not only on the inside. As the Beatles said, ‘love is all around.’

If love were only deep inside of us, we’d be forever alone in our room within rooms. But, as the midrash taught us, the soul is uniquely qualified to praise God, because it’s there is something about God that reminds the soul of ourselves. There is something outside of us that sets our insides humming.

That’s why when Adam sees Eve and falls in love with her, he cries out
Zot ha’paam/this time it’s right! The Hebrew word ‘paam’ is related to the word paamon/a bell. What Adam is really saying is “the bells are ringing for me and my gal.” Something about her is tuned to the vibrations of his own heart, and sets them ringing. She is outside of him. But, she is inside of him, too, in the deepest part of him.

So, Miri and David, your love partakes of this dual quality. It is both deep inside of you and it is all around you. Nothing is more personal than love. There is only one love like yours. And, you have each chosen each other of all the possible choices, because each of you feels about each other that there is no one as wonderful as you.

At the same time, no human experience is more universal than the feelings you have for each other in your hearts right now. It resonates inside all of us. It’s something we can all recognize within our own hearts, and that’s why it is such a joy for us to join in your happiness.

And, so, Miri and David, may the words of the parasha be true for you. V’nishmatem l’nafshoteichem/watch over each other’s souls. Take care of each other. Protect that special part of each other that you appreciate more than anyone else. May the feelings you have for each other that come from deep inside of you also surround you, and protect you, and nourish you. And, may the love that fills your soul today fill all your days and bring joy to all around you.

And, if that love should also bind the galaxies together, so much the better.